longings

As we were driving to Kipkaren, which took close to 1 and 1/2 hours, my mind was very busy. For some reason as I was staring out the window at different things, it was racing with thoughts of home and here and the kids and God. I was thinking about how much I was looking forward to getting picked up at the airport by Erin (which we just arranged last week) and how it is going to feel wonderful to see my sister and other friends and family. Here you greet everyone by shacking their hand, which I have grown accustomed to but I still love our big American hugs! And I also know that it is going to be really hard to leave here and after about a week, I am going to want to come back here and see everyone again. I mean, if I miss the kids that much in one day, what am I going to do at home? But then I was thinking about why I was missing them, and it is because, as I have been telling them in devotions, that we were made in the image of God which means we have the capacity and design for relationship. There will always be that longing in your heart to be in relationship, with those around you and with God. I took it one step further and thought about how we are longing to be in relationship with God while we are on earth and then once we get to heaven we will finally enter into that perfect relationship as God intended it. But then we will still be away from other loved ones that are still living and those who never knew the truth to begin with. If nothing else, this has motivated me to tell all those that I love about Jesus so that they can be in perfect relationship with him and so that when I get to heaven, I will not be longing for them because I know that they will be coming there as well. Just as I was sharing this with the kids one night, my mom texted me so I proceeded to share what she said with them and they responded to her. That was fun for my two worlds to interact; just a glimpse of what is to come of the future I am sure. They expressed how much they wanted her to come here, as I do as well, and how we are all one family because we love Jesus! I shared with them a verse that I believe encompasses this longing that was shared with me when I attended a Christian Conference called: Passion. Isaiah 26:8-Yes Lord, walking in the way of your truth we wait eagerly for you, for Your name and Your renown are the desires of our souls.
God has also shown me that life is not just about building trust and relationships, but it is about sustaining those relationships, being intentional, and loving Jesus! As I was continuing to read Job (19:24-26) I found this passage that is so awesome I must share it with you to end this update and encourage you to live in this reality.
I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!

1 John 4:19

So this week when the team came, everyone did a little introduction of themselves and their experience this far. One lady, Sharon, when it was her turn said that she was glad to be here but still did not know what God had in store for her. I thought that was interesting and that I can identify with that. I mean, I really do like it here and all the people are amazing, but I still don't know how God is going to use this experience in my life or for His glory. I am confident however that He is going to use it and that it will be revealed in His perfect timing. I hope that this journey of mine has impacted the lives of others. There have been many things that I am starting to realize that might have something to do with God's plan and purpose:
-He has really showed me all the people at home that love and care for me and a little bit of how I can love them better.
-Lately I have noticed that my ministry here has not really been all about the kids, but is more directed toward the staff and the house parents. That, I would say, is the biggest part of what I have been doing here, encouraging them, talking and getting to know them, letting them teach me things, and doing little things for them.
-I am a very awkward person, haha, but this is because i dont like to expose my vulnerability and God has shown me how much i try to hide myself, in the crowd or in a situation. Gary Gaulton said it best when he said that theology is great to know and studying the Bible, but if you dont put it into action then it doesn't mean anything (ok that definitely sounds like James talking, or the Holy Spirit through James)
-I am so thankful for Heavenly Treasures, that ministry and that family does wonderful things to help people from all over the world. I am so glad that my sister decided to work there
-Greeting people is important and telling them the truth about situations, affirming them, saying goodbye's properly, etc.
-I still don't know where God is going to lead me after I finish at Biola, but I know that He will lead me somewhere, and take care of me. Right now I am pretty open to whatever He wants me to do and I know He will use this experience to help me in my future endeavors.
-I am really glad that I go to an institution that requires their students to have this kind of an experience with God and with others. I am really glad that my brother is going to get to experience four years of this as well!
Thank you all for going through this journey with me. My prayer remains that God will help me to love him and love others better.

perspective

at one point in the previous week, when i was feeling especially down (those of you who have taken the prep classes for your internship as I did would refer to this as the bottom of the U-curve) I had the brilliant idea of reading the book of Job. This was the point when my face had exploded with a bright red rash from the thing I either touched or ate that contained something I was allergic to and I was far from home, well I still am, but I was feeling it much more so. The children were at school and I was seemingly alone in my hut with no one to listen to my complaints but God. It must have been Him that put this idea into my head, because why a normal person would begin reading this book when they think they are suffering is beyond me. Being the stubborn person that I am, I opened my Bible and began to read. We all know the first part when God is bragging to the devil about how awesome his servant Job is, and then he proceeds to let the devil take just about everything away from him in his life. This is normally the most that you can remember from Sunday School when you were a kid because that is all the action, but the next part is even better. I have never really read through it before, but the conversation between Job and his friends is captivating. It says that as soon as they got there, they tore their clothes and just sat with him for seven days without speaking a single word. I could put many words to go along with my 'troubles' especially if I had someone else around to talk to about them, but they said nothing. They just sat with him in his grief for seven full days.
They go on to eventually speak words, and what I have read so far has amazed me. One friend encourages him in God's faithfulness to the righteous, another tells about how God will redeem and restore all that was lost. Still in this Job curses the day he was born and I just about laughed when he said that he will speak out of the bitterness of his soul.
This takes you to about chapter 11 and God has already been teaching me so much through it. I have realized that I too have friends that are willing to encourage me in this way when I more often times than not, find myself speaking out of bitterness. So thank you so much for walking through this journey with me! I really do appreciate your encouragement and love that comes from God and that is the best thing I could ever have, even though i might not be the most thrilled to hear it at times. I will be sure to post more on this subject as I continue to read and as God prompts.